Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Not cold feet, exactly...

Perhaps since it's been in the high 80s and humid around here, an APB for those warm-fuzzy socks that Steph and Susan have been passing around might sound weird.

Perhaps I shall have to acquire some soft fuzzy flip-flops, or something of that sort, for those of us who are starting to freak out just a little bit along the path of application to Groovy Sister-hood in the middle of a heat wave...

I'm still excited, and still plugging away... but I am getting a bit... spooked? Anxious--and not in a good way. What if my answers aren't "good enough," what if where I am isn't deep enough for them? What if I'm not enough?

What if I put forth all this effort, lay it all out there--and those of you who read my blog surely know I do tend to lay it all out there--what if I do all that and then get rejected? The admissions committee can accept me, recommend a waiting period or can out-and-out terminate the application process. Terminate. Finito. Go away, we don't want you. How devastating would that be? Indeed, my mind would be reeling if it were even recommended that I wait!

Paper bag please. Ok, breathe. Slowly. In. Out. In. Out.

These questions--as well as some that were asked in a one-on-one conversation with an individual please bang my wife Sister this past weekend--are really making me think. And while that can be a good thing, I'm currently worried about whether I'm just trying to come up with the "right" answer--what I think they want to hear--or are those "right" answers really my answers? And I know from various other people's vocation stories that one often doesn't know, for example, "What can you do for the Church and God's Reign as a religious that you believe you cannot do as a lay woman?" until many years into the game. I mean, sure, I have some ideas, but I also know I don't know a whole lot more than I do know. Ya know?

Ok. I'm alright.

I think I will be anyway....